I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
