I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
