My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
