Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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