so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
