well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
