We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
