hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
