Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
