roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize