If i could tip my vagina, i would.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
