Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
