hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i came on her dog
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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