I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can't turn off my feet"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
