I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
