well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
