We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my poor anus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
