i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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