I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
