New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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