ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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