i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
