Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
