Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
