I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
