I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
