Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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