i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
