Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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