broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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