even my farts smell like vagina
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can't turn off my feet"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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