My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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