whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
