i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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