dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
