he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I currently don't understand fingers.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
