Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
