no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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