I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
