I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
