sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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