sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
