I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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