I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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