Hey man sorry I got all grabby
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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