I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
