I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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