its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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