I wannas sexs uuuuu
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
