And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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