Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
