I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
