you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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