we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
