I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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