I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
