I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I want her autograph on my taint
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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