I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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