Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
