Already got asked if we're dating
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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