Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
