how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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