dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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