I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
