I just made out with a guy for $7.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
