Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
