uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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