Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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