why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
