3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I currently don't understand fingers.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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